Ghost

If you've been wondering if I'll ever post again, the answer is yes. I've just been using Live Journal more lately. So if you're of a mind to, go update yourself.

Things in general right now are so-so. I'm falling slightly behind with this whole life thing...I'm not sure I'm quite used to it yet.

And I feel like no matter what I do, any time I try to express how I feel I come off unintentially melodramatic. I hope you can see through and past that...I'm not really as ridiculous as I might seem.

Getting my list on

Compiling a list of movies I must see. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated (see list below). Thanks!

1. Lost and Delirious (2001)
2. Harold and Maude (1979)
3. American Psycho (2000)
4. Waking Life (2001)
5. Sixteen Candles (1984)
6. Empire of the Sun (1987)
7. Ying Xiong ["Hero"] (2002)
8. Big Lebowski (1998)
9. What the #$*! Do We (K)now!? (2004)
10. Lost in Translation (2003)
11. The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976)
12. Le Violin Rouge ["The Red Violin"] (1998)
13. Almost Famous (2000)
14. I Am Sam (2001)
15. Whale Rider (2002)
16. The Breakfast Club (1985)
17. When Night is Falling (1995)
18. Two Soldiers (2003)
19. Girl, Interrupted (1999)
20. Anchorman (2004)
21. White Noise (2005)
22. Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events (2004)
23. The Ring (2002)
24. Secret Window (2004)
25. A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)
26. The Bourne Identity (2002)
27. Sideways (2004)
28. Vanilla Sky (2001)
29. Interview With the Vampire (1994)
30. 21 Grams (2003)
31. The Motorcycle Diaries (2004)
32. Edward Sissorhands (1990)
33. The Last Samurai (2003)
34. The Amityville Horror (2005)
35. The Usual Suspects (1995)
36. Gattaca (1997)

Is there anybody out there?

I don't think there's any use trying to deny it anymore. I'm depressed. Over the past week I've only come out of my room when I absolutely have to, I'm drifting further and further away from all of my friendships, I'm only eating what I have to to get by, I can't seem to finish any of my work, there's a perpetual listlessness I can't ignore...I feel isolated and alone and detatched...and I don't know to whom or where I should turn. Somehow in the midst of all of these people and friendly faces I feel so alone.

I guess in a way this is a cry for help...but I'm not sure exactly what it is that I need...or if I even need anything.

I guess that's all.

Post Script,

Matt and I broke up (yes, this is a good thing). We are now just friends (and by friends I really do mean friends, which is lovely).

(I seem to like parentheses lately.)

Nobody said it was easy

In the past 24 hours, I've listened to the On the Rocks version of "For the Longeset Time" a total of 16 times. Obsessed? Not really, it's just that it reminds me of Garden Level (the phenomenal(logically hot...ha!) all-male a cappella group here on campus) and I've had it stuck in my head for the past 2 days. And the lyrics are significant, I think:

Oh, oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
If you said goodbye to me tonight
There would still be music left to write
What else could I do
I'm so inspired by you
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now I know that happiness goes on
That's where you found me
When you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time

Oh, oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest
I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall
And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you
And how you needed me too
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Maybe this won't last very long
But you feel so right
And I could be wrong
Maybe I've been hoping too hard
But we've gone this far
And it's more than I hoped for

Who knows how much further we'll go on
Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone
I'll take my chances
I forgot how nice romance is
I haven't been there for the longest time

I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself
Hold on to your heart
Now I know the woman that you are
You're wonderful so far
And it's more than I hoped for

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time

For me, this song is about 2 (very different) people, simultaneously.

Anyway, I'm excited about coming home (largely because the phrase "my girl back home" is now relevant to me, but also because of work and my family...among other things.)

Now I just have to survive finals week...and paying for my M.I.P...

Appropriate, I should think

You're Sweden!

After years of trying to rule the world around you, you've
finally put aside violence in favor of advocating peaceful resolution.  There's
still a little Viking in you, but mostly you like Nobel Prize winners and long
nights by the fire.  And safe cars.  You always read the safety manual
in airplanes, and you're just a little cold.


Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

P.S., www.godhatessweden.com

You're Ulysses!

by James Joyce

Most people are convinced that you don't make any sense, but compared
to what else you could say, what you're saying now makes tons of sense. What people do
understand about you is your vulgarity, which has convinced people that you are at once
brilliant and repugnant. Meanwhile you are content to wander around aimlessly, taking in
the sights and sounds of the city. What you see is vast, almost limitless, and brings you
additional fame. When no one is looking, you dream of being a Greek folk hero.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Gotta love the abbrev's

Dinner tonight was nice.

Been feeling uneasy.

Excited about going home.

Not even going to try to pretend it doesn't bother me that Nate and Kat are dating.

I kind of want to vom.

Caulk it and pull it

So I've been using my live journal again (starting yesterday), mostly due to the fact that all of the (super awesome) Davis kids are part of the lj community, so it's convenient, I guess.

Don't worry, I'll still update here, but that option is now open as well.

(pst, I have a platonic crush on Shanti...but don't tell him!...)

You're so vain

Right now I'm torn between being happy and feeling shitty. I have this headache from hell and this way overdue annotative bibliography hanging over me (not to mention the imminence of becoming ill), and yet, I'm somehow feeling pretty good about life in general. I mean, I have lots of reasons to be upset, and it a small way, I suppose I am, but all in all, I'd say I'm happy. This is something new for me...and it's beautiful (if just a little strange).

In other news...

My nephew Timothy was born yesterday at 5:21 pm. He looks something like this...



Also, Pat Casados will be coming home with me for Thanksgiving. This is exciting because we're the same person, but also because I love him (even if he is fat). He looks like this...



And finally, I'm dating a boy named Matt Beman. He's from St. Louis and played Romeo in our school's production of, well, do I really need to say it? He looks like this, or rather, we look like this...



And all three of us look a little something like this...



That's about it for now.

Got your glasses on

At the risk of sounding painfully emo and angsty, I feel put out and betrayed. I feel like over the past few weeks, I've come out of my black hole and found something resembling happiness. And then there was Matt, who just made everything even better. I started spending more time with Pat, and I've started getting to know Eric...great friends. You'd think life would be good...you'd expect that my friends could be happy for me, but instead they refuse to spend time with Matt and they ostracize me. They criticize, they judge, and they patronize me. I didn't expect this. Not from them.

Where did my family go?

Tes yeux, commes les bijoux

I'm really not sure what to say. Lots of ambiguous chaos...lots of lows, a few mediocre highs, lots of questions. I'm not sure where or who I am at this point (does anyone ever, really?). Over the past few days I've had a lot of thoughts that frighten and baffle me--they don't seem to belong to me. But it too shall pass, I suppose.

Nothing is permanent.

Tonight involved lots of Schiff and Phish Food followed by I <3 Huckabees. Well played, clerks.